During this time of worry, I found myself getting swept up in other people’s fear and interpretation of reality. After some days of feeling like a boat rocking around in a storm I have been able to get back to myself and I will challenge (encourage) you to do the same.
Although I know I have a great immune system and I am confident that I will survive even if the virus infects me, there is so much fear out there that I found myself expending a lot of energy fighting off other people’s fears. This was exhausting. I found myself to be emotionally drained and lacking any kind of enthusiasm toward my own purpose. I have never been one to get excited in times like these. I am not one to believe I will get hoof and mouth disease or the swine flu, I have traveled safely and managed to keep myself safe and happy for the most part. This will be no different. Why did it affect me so differently?
I do not watch TV. I do not turn on the news. I have people that I trust that I ask for advice and information. Of course, I can look things up on the internet from reputable sources. However, the onslaught of negativity on social media, where I might go to find some fun and pictures of family and friends was overwhelming. Another irritating thing is the email inbox being filled with offers of every kind to help during this catastrophic time. There is also a sad skeptical feeling of how people look at you when out shopping. Am I buying something they need or want? Do I have the disease? Am I a threat to them? This is not something I am used to. I am always friendly when out shopping, making sure to be aware of the people around me, a smile, small conversation or even offering to help if someone needs a hand. This feeling of being unwelcome was painful. It is interesting because in the beginning, I did not notice what was off.
After a couple of days, I realized that I do not need to fight off the outside, but instead stabilize the inside. Not sure why it took so long. I am new at this I guess. I needed to set an intention of how I want to perceive this time, how I want to react to it and who I am in all this. Other people are welcome to do the same, and I cannot control how they handle this part of their journey, but I can control myself. So if this is true, why do we stop utilizing the tools we need, when we need them the most?
I do not have the extra time available that many people have been given because of businesses closing. The horses still need to be taken care of and trained, we may not have shows to go to right now, but we can still make progress, and stalls still need to be cleaned and horses fed. So, to find the extra time I need to get myself in balance is not easy. However, I will find the time and create a strong practice that will benefit me long after this whole virus thing is gone.
The bummer is that I did not keep up with my practices when I needed them the most. Although I have had the best intentions, the winter got away from me with our staffing problems and other bothersome, time-consuming issues. This is not an excuse. And it is now more than ever, after watching myself bob up and down in the storm, that I realize the need for this Daily internal practice.
So, I encourage everyone reading this to reach out, do not hide in your home and watch Netflix, but instead reach out and learn something new. A yoga or tai chi practice, a meditation practice, or even just a new work out routine. Something that helps you find you. Something that clears your head from fear and reminds you of your purpose and your gifts. I would love to hear what inspires you and how you are growing from this difficult situation. Please feel free to email me [email protected]
Stay safe and healthy