You are right where you are supposed to be. How many times have you heard this and said to yourself “that is ridiculous… there are so many things going wrong at this time! How can this be where I am supposed to be?”
If we try to find the truth in this statement, perhaps it would change our perspective, and then open the space for us “to be right where we are supposed to be.”
Recently I had the occasion to misread the time, I was rushed and trying to get some work done before I had an appointment. I was feeling pressured, tight, and unable to fully concentrate on the task in front of me because I felt time constraints. Randomly I checked the clock again to pace myself and I realized I had an hour more than I had originally thought. My whole body relaxed. My brain opened, my breathing changed, and my focus became laser clear about what I wanted to accomplish and how I was going to do it. The strange thing is, in the end, I did not need more time than I originally had. My perception of the time had altered my feeling of what I could accomplish. It closed my brain up so much that I became completely incapable of functioning at a high level. The contrast from one moment to the next was life-changing. It was literally a second in between feeling inept and feeling capable of anything. The only thing that changed was my perception. The next day I was thinking what if I could actually create that freedom for myself? Could I actually give myself the space I need to perform at my best. Time is just a perception. When I am open, confident, and focused it does not take that much time to do the things I want to do. When I am distracted, insecure, and closed I dance around the important subject and it seems like it takes forever.
What are the pressures that make us feel closed? We use time to make appointments, keep track of our tasks, and log our progress. However, really it is random and quite unpredictable. We also end up using time as an excuse. In my horse training business time is not something I can control. Some horses take a lot of time to learn something and another horse less time. If I am stuck on the time I give them there is little progress if I base my value on the time I give each horse I may not be giving each horse what it needs. Giving myself the freedom to teach a horse for the amount of time he/she needs opens up this amazing space where I can work with creativity and compassion. Why did it take me so long to find this space in other areas of my life?
Make something nonnegotiable; how do you give yourself blocks of focused time, where nothing else matters? I am sure you have certain areas in your life where you are 100% effective. You have a strong commitment to that task and you make sure it happens correctly every day. We all have other areas of our lives where we are less effective. Why? Perhaps we don’t have confidence in that task, we have had a bad experience, someone has made us feel inept, or perhaps we simply do not have the tools yet to tackle the job successfully. Think of an area of your life you would like to improve, and you are having a difficult time. Then think of an area you have success, space, and energy for. Wouldn’t it be great to have this same energy to apply to this more difficult area of your life? It is possible, you just need to change perspective! Did you ever have a time in your life where the things that are going well for you were difficult? Was there a time when you had to learn more, work harder, or even had setbacks to overcome? What did you do? Why did you do it? What made you push through to the other side of those difficulties? You are the one that did those things, so I have no doubt that you can apply yourself in the same way to these new challenges. Visualize the space you need to accomplish them. Literally give yourself space. A clear area around your being in time, space, and energy where you create boundaries and freedom to learn and accomplish your goals.
Why is this life area more difficult than another? For me, it is about overwhelm. I start on a project and my mind gets going a million miles ahead until it runs into something I do not know enough about and then it starts whirling about the past mistakes that brought me to this place and then I cannot dig myself out. One of my favorite quotes lately is “confidence is the belief IN MYSELF that I can figure things out.” I am changing my self-talk and I am changing the perspective I have of time. Time can push me or I can choose to create a space for myself in time where I become my most effective and creative self. I also spend a bit of time every morning visualizing myself moving through this difficult area. For instance, if I need to have a difficult conversation, I sit with the conversation in the morning before my day starts and I walk myself through how I want to make it the best it can possibly be. If I do not have all the answers, I do not push the conversation away to a later date, I ask questions, ask for help, or even study up a bit more on the subject. The actual conversation for me is not the big problem these days, it is the memories of past conversations that have gone wrong that create a block toward the ones I need for my future. Sitting with the task stops time, it helps me to focus on why the conversation is important now and gives me space to create the outcomes necessary to bring success for all involved.
I recommend writing a list of things that are nonnegotiable for you; changes you want to make or things that you want to accomplish. Write this list when you are feeling happy and confident about the future. Then start to block time, small amounts, that you can focus solely on each of these tasks. It can be only 5 minutes at first, but it must be 5 undisturbed minutes. Be sure to put your phone away and lock yourself from any other people or tasks. To start, pick something less intimidating so that you can practice finding the “feeling” of space for yourself. Once you find the “feeling” try using it with something more challenging.
I hope this practice helps you find peace in everything you do. As always, I would love to know how this benefits you. Tell me your story by emailing [email protected]
Be youthful in your approach, connection is the key, remember anything is possible