Perspective

Perspective

What if we could look at things from different angles before making a judgement? What if we could naturally open our minds to the possibilities that surround every moment. Imagine that we know the teller at the bank and we know that her daughter is very ill, or the girl at the cash register her mother is in the hospital, or the driver that just went by you so fast is on his way to meet his father who just fell. These things may or may not be true, however, our first reactions are always the worst, we take things personally and then create a negative pattern. What if we just approached every situation with compassion? How much better would we feel? How much support and kindness could we spread out into the world without really expending more energy? For me, the energy to be upset and aggravated is the same amount of energy that we would expend being compassionate and kind.

How would you react to a teller at the bank who was slow or non-cooperative if you knew she was going through something difficult? Would you have time to cheer her up? Could you be patient and understanding, even gracious when it was your turn? Why is it so difficult for us to come from a positive place right from the start? We are the customer, therefore, we need better service, but they are a human and they might be going through a human difficulty. It is deeper than this and this is where it all gets mixed up.

We are always in a hurry, not in the moment, so we don’t even notice the bags under their eyes or worse the red bloodshot eyes from crying. Our life is not in order and now it is their fault. We need someone to blame for being late and disorganized. But, ultimately we did not leave time for the shopping or the bank. So, it is actually our fault, so now we start with the bad conversation with ourselves. What if it just is. It is an “isness” as Derek Rydell would say.  I am late, I did not organize my day, the teller is slow because she is having a tragedy, we are all here together. Tomorrow I will better organize myself, today I will be kind to the teller. It seems so easy, and yet it is not. Now that we think about it this way it will be easy.

It was just a change of perspective.

Have a great day and I hope this benefits you in some way.

Nancy

Confidence

Confidence

When you look confidence up in the dictionary, it is defined as; the feeling or belief that one can rely on someone or something; firm trust. When we use this definition, it asks us to look outside ourselves to find confidence. We are relying on someone or something outside of ourselves, actually outside of our control, to feel capable.

If you look further, you can find a definition; the state of feeling certain about the truth of something. So, then I ask myself, is it possible that this truth of something could be inside me? Is it possible that I could wake up every morning and believe that there is something inside myself that is well-intentioned, loving and capable of doing anything I put my heart and mind into? Could I actually feel certain about this truth? Could I wake up with confidence every day?

What is it that takes this confidence away from us? What is it that asks us to look outside of ourselves for certainty so that we can feel confident?

I was listening to a podcast yesterday and the podcaster said…

”I can change someone’s state from insecurity to confidence, and make them believe they can make changes for the better, but when they are no longer with me it all disappears.”

What that means to me is that the speaker created a situation where his listeners had confidence in his ability, but not their own ability. It got me thinking about confidence and how do we cultivate it for ourselves.

How many businesses are built on the need for the person to come back? We produce goods that do not last. We create lesson programs that give people just enough information to know that they need to come back for more. When I started teaching, and now as a coach, my goal has always been to give my students the information they need to make good decisions. I want people to be able to function when I am not there, as well as when I am there. As a coach, my purpose is to help put the power back in the hearts and hands of my clients. I want to help them find out “who” they are so that when they make decisions they are based on their own goals, interests, and beliefs. This can be difficult because we have a lot of people to please. What if my mother, sister or husband does not like the person I really am on the inside?

The person that we are on the inside is the only person, this is the person we must have confidence in. The problem is that we become so out of touch with this person that we do not know who she/he is. We cover it up, on purpose or by accident, and then we act out, hideout or go down a road that is not ours. We have so many outside influences that we end up bouncing from this opinion to that opinion, this person’s idea or that persons insult. We forget to remember who we are, we forget to be confident; the state of feeling certain about the truth of something, the truth of ourselves.

 No one can tell us who we should be or what we should do. This is the hard part. Young people have often said to me they wish someone could just tell them they are good enough, or they wish the road was mapped out and they could just follow it. This is something we need to find on the inside. This belief in our self needs to override everything, all that people say, all the insults, negative energy, and doubt. Many times, these feelings and expressions of insecurity are about the other person, not about us. If someone tells me their goal is to jump a grand prix course is it my place to say they cannot do this? I do not ever see myself jumping a grand prix course with my horse, but who am I to say they cannot do it? This is often what happens, the other person is so insecure they project that onto our goals and aspirations. In addition, we may act on a sport or direction we are talented in but have no actual interest in. In this case, we might end up going down the wrong road because people believe in us, praise us and encourage us, but we have no actual interest.  A lack of belief causes us to abandon our dreams. When we have confidence, we have an inner knowing that what we want is possible and we are able to create it. We may occasionally make detours along the way, bad decisions or mistakes, but inevitably we walk our path, the right path to the truth of our goals.

How do we gain confidence? There are a million programs, books, and coaches out there to help us with this.

My challenge for you is this. Every night before you go to bed ask yourself was there any part of the day you could have managed better? Was there a time you actually did not act on your inner truth? What was the reason? Does this bring you closer or farther from your ultimate expression? Was it a close friend, family member or just a passing acquaintance that caused you to step outside of yourself? Write it in your journal. Ask yourself to think about tomorrow and how you can be relaxed and in your truth in the future. Not aggressively and putting other people down, just relaxed and confident in your true nature.  Can you find this peaceful feeling that you do not need to impress your feelings or actions on other people, you just need to be walking your path in your own way? In addition, can you find the feeling that you do not need reinforcement from other people to know you have done the best that day?

The strength to be YOU needs to be developed and nurtured.

When you wake up in the morning think about the day ahead. Are there things that might come up that have the potential to knock you off your path? What can you do to be relaxed and peaceful on your way? Do you have plans to eat right? Can you talk to the people that strengthen you? Is it possible to find time to take care of yourself and remember your inner strength throughout the day?  Sometimes it is helpful to put alerts on your phone, a post-it note in your car, or a poster in your house or office. What does your strong self know that you forget when life gets overwhelming? Your strong inner self is the only self to listen too, try to create tactics to remind yourself when you feel the doubt or overwhelm creep in.

Remember, anything is possible,

                                                Nancy

 

 

Can You Take a Compliment and Still Try to Improve?

Can You Take a Compliment and Still Try to Improve?

Have you ever been complimented by a teacher, friend or colleague and then thought to yourself that you did not deserve it? On the outside you might (or might not) be forming the words thank you, and on the inside, you are thinking I did not do that well enough or what I did really wasn’t that special? Do you reject their good intentions?

I would like to invite you to imagine that the person giving you the compliment is sincere. In their opinion what you did is special, better than before or improved their life in some way. Your rejection actually makes them feel bad. I know that is not your intention, because the rejection is about yourself, not about them, but this is how it comes across.

I also invite you to imagine that you can accept their compliment, absorb it, enjoy it and believe it. Again, it is from their point of view, they believe what you did is special, you do not need to judge this, just enjoy it. From there you can imagine also doing, even more, being even better, improving. But, the starting place should be from a small celebration!

The act of feeling good about ourselves helps us to be more productive, successful and overall happier. Many people show some kind of mask of happiness on the outside and yet live in an internal world of self-doubt and self-sabotage. We are all too happy to accept any of the bad things people say, or we think they want to say, and yet we cannot even slightly comprehend that one of the nice things could be true.

It is important to make a habit of accepting compliments. In school and in work we are all taught to accept criticism, call it constructive criticism… No! let’s start in the beginning, first learn how to accept compliments. Let’s create a positive self-image. A self-image that starts on the inside. An image that is true to who you are and what you want to show to the world. When people compliment this, let it grow, shine it brighter and broadcast it out to anyone who might need it. From this place of confidence and self-knowledge, we can improve.

We always want to be striving to learn more and be better, but what is better if we don’t have a place to start? You are not accepting your shortcomings as irreversible because you believe a compliment. I know when I say this it sounds ridiculous, but many of us do this. We think we will not push ourselves to improve if we let someone say we are doing well. We can always do better!! And we should strive to be better!! It is what makes life interesting. However, we need a base to jump from, we need a foundation to build on, we need the comfort that today we are good enough. Today we are right where we are supposed to be. If we are always thinking about what we are not doing, what we did not do or what we cannot do that is what we are going to get, a lot of nothing. If we think about who we are, what we are and what we want to do then that is what we will grow.

Sometimes compliments will come from the strangest places, do not dismiss them, revel in them. Your acceptance also helps the person that is giving it to you. This means they see a trait in you that they are trying to grow. Show them your happiness that they recognized it if you cannot do it for yourself (yet) do it for them.

Be youthful in your approach, remember anything is possible, connection is the key

Nancy

Taking the First Step

Taking the First Step

Recently I did a meditation that asked me to think about something that was causing me some stress. The process was to then ask where that stress was in my body. As I scanned through my body I found it everywhere. Literally, this problem had made it’s home throughout my entire body.

I have to say I was surprised. I know I carry a lot in my shoulders, but to find it in my legs, in my belly and hurting my heart was shocking. Especially since I thought I was dealing with it!

Awareness is a double-edged sword. However, if you don’t start down the path you will find yourself in a place you never planned to be. I am excited to be in a place where I can look at the stress, really look it in the eye, know it is there and then start tackling it. It might be small steps at first, but ignoring it allows it to fester and wreak havoc on the rest of your life.

Today I want to inspire you to look at one area of stress in your life. Pick a small one to start. Write down a goal that includes steps that will help you get rid of this stress. There can be many ways to do this. I recommend that you write on paper, in a journal or a pad, not the computer (it just makes more sense to your brain). Ask yourself what is the long term goal? If the stress is a relationship how do you want that relationship to feel in the future? If the stress is work-related, what would be your perfect day at work? If the stress is financial what would your perfect financial picture look like? Create a big vision for your life without this problem in it. Write it all out, how will you feel when you can speak to your partner about important things? How will it feel when you are eager and excited to get up for work in the morning? What will it be like to know that you are being compensated for your creativity, time and expertise in a way that will provide not only a nice home but also allow you to be generous with your time to those that might be in need? Pick a subject that is true to your life and journal about it.

Next, write down what is necessary to achieve this goal? Do I need more information? Is it something I can handle myself or should I ask for help? What are the action steps for asking for help? Do I take a class? Ask a professional? Hire someone who has expertise in this area so that I can direct my energy in the area I am skilled in? Write down all of your ideas. Don’t judge them just write them down. Don’t even think about how you are going to do them. Just write down what would be some steps that would take you closer to this vision.

Later you can revisit this list and start to prioritize. You can actually create action steps and break them down into smaller steps that are manageable. However, you do not need to do it all at once. Just take the first step. Notice the stress, notice what you want to improve, imagine what life will be like with this improvement.

Then ask  “what kind of a healthy daily ritual can I create to start building momentum toward this goal?” We all get stuck in patterns. These patterns suck our energy. What if you chose to start the day with a short exercise routine. Do you have 5 minutes? Take this 5 minutes and do some stretching, situps or jog in place. Now that you have completed that and you are feeling refreshed think of one small action step you can take toward your goal. Plan to fit that in your busy day. Make it a priority. At the end of the day celebrate your win, no matter how small, congratulate yourself for acknowledging the fact that you want to improve your current situation. Go to sleep feeling excited and eager to face a better tomorrow because of the positive step you made today. Even if it is a small one, you are moving! That is all it takes. One small step at a time and you will be closer to your dreams.

Be Youthful in your Approach, Remember anything is possible, connection is the key

Do What You Love and the Money Will Follow

Do What You Love and the Money Will Follow

Many years ago I heard this phrase, I loved the idea, and I truly hoped it was true. I am not one to make my life about working for money and then retire. However, it is interesting how this phrase, no matter how true, it is also misleading.

I have decided that really what we should be taught is; to share what you love and the money will follow.

It would also be helpful is if we were taught that it is okay to make mistakes, it is ok to have fun even when you are working and everyone has their own path. So, give your gifts to the ones who want them and keep moving when you encounter someone that is on a different path.

And the most important thing that is misunderstood as we are growing up is that taking care of ourselves is selfish. How can we help others if we allow our own health to deteriorate? How can we open ourselves to our talents and let them flow through us if we have not nurtured our confidence and identity? I think that time needs to be spent in our lives honing these skills and then everything else will come with less difficulty. Yes, I believe that confidence is a skill. Yes, I believe knowing who you want to be and making decisions based on that person is a very important skill. When we make decisions based on who we want to be then we will not be buffeted around by the opinions of others. This does not mean that we do not care about other people, it just means that we do not alter our path because someone else thinks we are not good enough, it does not serve them or maybe it even threatens their sense of security. There does not have to be an all or nothing attitude, of course, there are times when we have to pause and help someone in need. It is more that we keep our eye on the ball and do not confuse other people’s goals with our own.

Another interesting fact is that when you find what you love and you are willing to share it with others there will be people that want to help you. So, feel free to ask questions, be the learner as well as the teacher. I grew up with the idea that if you had to ask questions that meant you are not good enough. I was taught a value system that ignorant people make mistakes and you are less of a quality person if you need to ask questions or if you make mistakes. I realize now that this is far from the truth. While I do want to work to gain the right information about each subject and pass along the correct information, it is possible that we might make mistakes and this fact should not shut us down. It is also ok to ask people questions, and this is not a sign of ignorance. Actually, one of the most important traits that high performers attribute their success to is the ability to ask the right questions.

It is true, perspective has a lot to do with it. Sometimes we are not sitting in a place where we can see through the window. But I encourage you to gain the perspective that probably someone has felt like you do right this very minute, there has been someone with that problem or asking that question. Try to have the perspective that there is someone out there that would actually love to help you move through that issue and become more productive, fulfilled and ultimately in a position to enjoy your life more.  I believe if you do what you love, share it with others, be brave and confident that your gifts are worth something then for sure the money will follow.

Be Youthful in your approach, know anything is possible, connection is the key!

Nancy

 

Other People’s Opinions

Other People’s Opinions

Following are some fun insights from one of my Youth Webinars in April. The homework had been to create a poster;

A list of the people’s opinions of you and/or your horse that you have heard over the past month, and a creative way to show that you reject or accept those opinions and why. The opinions could be from a parent, instructor, teacher, friend or even an opinion that you might apply to yourself that you see on social media.

Before we reviewed the posters, we spoke again about our values and how important it is to remember the things that are important to us when interpreting people’s opinions. It was fun to review the values that we want to grow: fitting in vs being original, learning vs knowing, exercising, being good, being successful and so on. Also, to notice that the Fear of People’s Opinions could have an effect on what we think we should value.

Everyone was super honest about the things people have said. It was a great share. I was also impressed by how all the girls could instantly recognize why someone might mistake someone for being boring or unfocused and how they helped each other with this. They easily brought up that if someone does not know anything about horses, or whatever your interest is, and that is what you are passionate about, they may not share the same energy toward it. However, in the moment it is sometimes hard to process this, and instead, we may feel hurt about the opinion of us. We also were able to really talk about how the person with the opinion can hold on to their opinion, and we do not need to change it. We can reject their opinion of us, and we do not need them to understand that we do that. We just do it. We can invite them to join us in an activity that they first perceived as boring, so they can actually find out if it is boring or not, but we do not need to convince them in one way or another for it to create the simple fact that we are not boring.

It was also interesting to notice that some of the opinions were, actually, self-talk. This is something that we all need to work on. Having a bad opinion of ourselves is not healthy. So, we discussed creating a ritual of using better words, and explaining to ourselves that we are not anxious, we are mindful and then we can start acting more mindful and less anxious. If we value being mindful then we can grow that, if we do not value being anxious then we must not let our self-talk label us as anxious.

Another great discussion was about understanding that someone might label us or our horses as something, and we do not have to accept it, even though it may occasionally be true. If we have a horse that has a weak link, we can accept the weak link, but we can also work on it and improve it. Just because someone says it is a problem does not mean it cannot be improved. The same with us, just because someone says we have bad time management skills does not mean we have to accept that as part of who we are. If we value time management then we can work on building the skill of time management. If one allows them self to be labeled this way, then it will control them if I say okay, I accept that I have occasionally exhibited bad time management, but that is not who I am, I will be able to improve this.  I challenge you to create your own poster 😊 For me it was a great insight into where I am, where I want to grow and how I am going to create more healthy relationships and thought patterns. I hope you have fun with this! As always, send your questions through the website or to [email protected], I am looking forward to hearing from you.